About the music...This music is the theme song for this character called "Id". He is a red-haired, violent, gloomy killer who has no friends and no allies. He lives only to fight and he is very strong, he can take down robots 10 times his size with his bare fists and not just one, but a whole lot of them. He is very much known as a demon by forces of both good and evil.
"Id" is the split personality of the game's main character, "Fei". He is a very cheerful, friendly and outgoing person who due to a trumatizing past had lost his memories. However, he will have flashbacks once in a while and when that happen, "Id" will take over. He will have no knowlegde of what Id has done while he is unconsious. No one seems to know about his split personality... except for a few people who knew his past... mostly not his friends.
About me.
Just a few years back, I am not this outgoing nor chatty. I am very much a reserved person. Very much critical, moody and poor conversationist. I made many people hate me in secondary school and in junior college. Hate emails were circulated by people whom I thought were my "friends". An outcast everywhere I go...
I grow up in a broken family, had a father addicted to gambling, with debts piling and "creditors" coming to harrass us every once in a while. My family would always live in fear back in those days. My father was also unfaithful to my mum. I learnt about it from my mum when I was about 12 to 14yrs old. I was very angry, very sad, and very much couldn't hold this burden as a young adolescent. This probably cause me to close up even more and become overly-sensitive to my feelings and insensitive to other people... which doesn't help me much with socialising.
I then see the needs of protecting my family 1st. Thus I kept persuading my mum to divorce my father. As others had hurt me, and also how my dad had hurt my mum and I, I decided to close up even further so that no one can ever get close enough to hurt me.
I held bitterness as if it is the reason I live. I wanted to get back at the people who back-stabbed me, who spread falsehood about me. I fell into depression, my school results dropped drastically. It makes me feel worse to know that my "enemies" are doing better in life... while I am good-for-nothing.
I yearn for acceptance, for love that is... unconditional. When I heard about this Easter Day celebration back in junior college, I wanted to be a part of it. It was really quite a topic back then. The Christians from City Harvest Church were inviting everyone and everyone was so excited about it. I though it is a good opportunity to make friends so I decided to approach one of them.
God knows, perhaps I am really too notorious. The 1st City Harvester I approached actually said that he had "too many people" and ask me to find someone else. (This person later backslided. I thank God that a few of the people he invited eventually become very fervent Chirstians.) I approached a second City Harvester, who welcomed me to joined him. Btw, he is Samuel See. Thanks Samuel.
I felt the presence of God during the celebration. It was a wonderful experience. I can feel love and acceptance in that presence. I was so touched back then, but I didn't response to the call for conversion during Easter Day itself, for I was... insecure. Nonetheless, I yearn for that feeling again, I decided to go for cell group the following Friday and attended my 1st service on Saturday. On Saturday, I gave my life to Jesus. :)
Life after conversion isn't a bed of roses. I was still struggling with bitterness and depression. My grades were still dropping and I still have yet to find any true friends in school and in church. It goes on like this for almost 2 years. It is really the grace of God that I haven't give up but kept holding on.
I then had my 2nd cell group multiplication and was put under a new cell group leader, Catherine Lee. She was the one who spent time to disciple me and teach me to open up. I had asked her why did she choose to spend so much time on me when they are others who could fare much better than me. She said something that goes like this, "Because weird people are the ones God likes to use." HAHAHA. Thanks Cat! Hehehe.
That was when my life start to change. My character and my personalities was shifted and I become very open with people, very outgoing and very dependable. God is good indeed. I had prayed for a break through in my life and He answer it. It took quite some time but it developes my patience and my dependance on Him. For when I can find nothing else to satisfy my needs during those time, I will always look to God in prayers and fellowship with Him.
Today, no matter what I have to go through, I know and I know that God is always there with me and I will never leave him for any other alternaitves.
Most people who knew me recently would describe me as witty, funny, outgoing, always smiling etc etc. Hahaha. So here, I wanna thank Jesus once again for a new life He gave me, and also the people whom in one way or another, believed in me and showed me the love of God by accepting me as who I am.
Currently, I am pursuing my Diploma in Nursing in NYP. My results are one of the best in school, scoring As and Distinctions every semesters. I recieve good appraisal in all my attachments in the hospitals. That is one big difference from my failed "A" level results back in junoir college. I am very happy now and is serving God and people the best I know how. Thanks Irene Ho (My current CGL) for your continual guidance/lecturing/care/(you name it) to mold me into the man God wants me to be. Praise The LORD! Hahaha.
Oh, BTW, I had already forgiven my dad. My parents are divorced now. I don't get to see my dad anymore, I don't know where is he and how is he doing. But I pray that he may be in good health and turn over a new leaf. For with God, all things are possible. Amen!
