Read more about it on W372's Blog.So this song kinda suit the mood/mode I am in now. I know Jesus is my Saviour and I am already saved, don't get me wrong. I am talking about my feelings.
Ever since I came back from the mission trip, I found myself more open than ever before.
I get to see how Pastor Kong work. When Pastor expressed his tiredness in front of us, about his worries when his son was very sick while he was in KL, how he preached so strongly during the confernce and yet never hide his fatigue from us, the image of Pastor as a mythical Great Man of God all collaspe. He had become a human that I could identify with, just an ordinary man but doing extraordinary things for God.
This experience made me all the more respect and love pastor and his vision.
In the past whenever I heard pastor shared about his struggles, I imagined him like Heracles or Jason doing things that normal humans like us can never do. However, seeing him in person during this mission trip made me realise just how real pastor is, and this made all the future messages he preached more credible, more real and more powerful. Because these are the teachings of God through an ordinary man whose life is transparent and truly love God and trust God with all his heart.
The message that really moved me a lot was the one right after the mission trip, the one about emotional baggages.
Pastor had taught about similar topics in the past. However, this was the first time ever this message had really impacted me so much, after attending church for more than 5 years.
During CG, my CGL leader preached the same message again as pastor sensed that many people need to hear it one more time.
In my heart, only a few words keep repeating itself as I listened to the message.
"Stop it already."
"It is so hurting."
"Please let the CG end quickly."
Yes, behind that smiles are really struggles that had being going on for a long time.
So being a Christian after so many years, one would still have much struggles with past hurts and pride?
Yes. And the greatest woe a Christian can do, is to bury that struggle because of fear and pride.
"How can I let people know I made the same mistake again?"
"What will people think that if they know I am still struggling with the same problem after all these years?"
"Will my leader think that I am problematic or unteachable?"
"Will my leader understand how he/she had hurt me?"
All these questions are made in the heart, with fear in the face of pride.
It is not natural at all to share a person's weakness.
In fact, putting my point straight, someone who goes around sharing his/her problems and weaknesses to everyone all the time is really weird, strange and emotionally traumatising to the listeners.
However, burying everything underneath will not help you to bring your problem to the surface to be healed.
There must be a balance of course, that you share with only with the people who are matured and those that you truly trust. Or else, you may find yourself getting more rejections because people who are not mature enough, are usually quick to judge.
Esther 4:11-16
Then Esther told Hathach to go back and relay this message to Mordecai: "The whole world knows that anyone who appears before the king in his inner court without being invited is doomed to die unless the king holds out his gold scepter. And the king has not called for me to come to him in more than a month."
So Hathach gave Esther's message to Mordecai. Mordecai sent back this reply to Esther: "Don't think for a moment that you will escape there in the palace when all other Jews are killed. If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. What's more, who can say but that you have been elevated to the palace for just such a time as this?"
Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: "Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I am willing to die."
Be like Esther, PRAY and FAST. However, that is not enough. If you want a breakthrough, if you want different results, then you must do something different.
You have to step out of your comfort zone and start facing your struggles openly. It is terrifying to share your weaknesses with another person. That is true even for Esther, don't even think that she was not terrified when she entered into the king's presence. She had to be trembling all the way that day when she left her room and made her way to the king's chamber.
Anyone who go to the king's chamber uninvited was doomed to die if the king doesn't pardon him/her.
And Esther was going to say to the king with words that would contradict a ruling that he made earlier. Another reason that could cost her life.
However, unless you have an attitude of "If I must die, I am willing to die" like Esther, you would never see your breakthroughs in life. You will miss many opportunities and you will only cause more hurts to yourself and to the people around you.
Be strong and God will pave the way. God is good.
