It's Hard Holding You, Loving You, Losing You.

Occasionally, I can be offended by people but learning to express my anger is the only way to keep a friendship strong.

You can't live with a friend offending you all the time.

Neither can you just burst out all of a sudden when you are frustrated.

Both ways will destroy your friendship. There must be a balance.

Regarding relationships I have in the past it can be sung this song.


Should I Stay

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you'd been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel's heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin' proof of what love is about

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I'm down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You're still in my thoughts

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh... should I stay?
Should I go?

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I...?

This time its done
It'll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it's sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn't matter somehow
But you were livin' proof of what love is about...


So I wondered how come I never talk to some people anymore. I realise that I was greatly hurt by these people and even felt cheated.

I know I am not perfect myself. But there are some things that once done, there can hardly be any trust between two persons anymore.

I remember I am always the one who will initiate the reconciliation.

Even though there may no longer be any anger, there is already a barrier between us.

Harsh? I think not. It is just the consequences of actions.

Have I forgiven them? Yes, and again, maybe not. Because I still remember them. I am no longer angry and I am no longer bothered by it but I still remember how I was hurt.

Nonetheless, I pray to God that these people may be set free. I love them just as Jesus loved them. :)

Why have I not talked to some who was so close to me just a while ago?

Because I have found better friends and I can no longer consider that person a close friend. I have moved on, I have become wiser with who I call friends. It's that simple.

But if you come to me and say "Hi!", we can still talk like old friends. For we are after all, friends to begin with. However, you can no longer expect me to share my most personal things with you.

I am sure you don't share everything about yourself to everyone. So do I. It's that simple.

This time its done
It'll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it's sad just the same

TOP MAN is SEASONAL.

So Hardy just won The Singapore Idol. Cool. Actually I supported Jonathon. I thought he is more charming and marketable as a singer.

And ACTUALLY, I never watched any episode of Singapore Idol this season. At most, it was only five or ten minutes when I happen to surf channels or when it was aired on TVMoblie. Haha!

I gathered the information through the news, magazines and of course, the adrenal conversations among the ladies who either roots for Hardy or Jonathon

They are also the one who:

Thinks that Paul Twohill is a freak with bad makeup and singing from bad to worse.

Feels that ousting Mathilda was a great loss to the competition.

Felt that Joakim really can't sing.

And that Jasmine kinda overstayed in the competition.

And the rest are not worth mentioning. Haha!

Went shopping with Minqi and Hong Yun at Parkway Parade on Sunday. Went into TOP MAN and found that after one whole year, they finally come out with some really good designs for their T-shirts and Polos once more. Haha.

I guess TOP MAN is seasonal. It happen that the fall/winter collection last year was also pretty good.

I really like this light-blue T-shirt that has a pattern of a skull on it, looks very Ed Hardy. Haha! Some of the white T-shirts are nice too! (I wear XL by the way cuz I like it loose.)

The polos like I said are also quite nice. But I only like a few of the designs. Most of the tops cost $36. Cheaper than last season. However... I think I had overspent a little so I didn't buy any.

Oh wells...

There's always next time. Haha!

GOD's W.I.P.

I had being a little lazy to upload my photos for the past 2 weeks. Haha! Nonetheless, here are some memorable and interesting photos I have taken.

This was my Final Year Project with my team members. It was presented on a Monday two weeks ago. The topic is about Training Caregivers for Terminal Cancer.

We put in a lot of time, money and effort. We made posters, banners and even booked a lecture room to hold our exhibits.

Putting the long story short, we had a Distinction for it! Praise the Lord! Yeah!!! Haha! After the project's over, we finally felt more relaxed.


This was the class gathering we had last Thursday. I was planning and my Treasurer, Tracy helped me a lot with it.
I played two games.

The first game was Murderer. Every "night", everyone will go to sleep (closing their eyes) and the murderers will go and kill someone. The next "morning", the surviving town's people must vote who is the murderer and remove the person with the highest vote out of the game. This goes on till the murderders (I had two murderers for this game) are all voted out.

The game was a little unfamiliar to the class but they got a hang of it by the second round and there were much commotion going on when those who "died" found out who the murderers were. Haha!

For the first time in my life, I actually see the whole town killed! Not even one murderer was voted out of the game! Haha!

The second game was People Bingo. Everyone were very active in this game, running around to ask people to sign on their paper and at the same time, trying to grab the limited pens that was provided. Haha!

Choy Fung won the first prize of $20 Tangs Voucher (sponsored by yours truly :) ) and Lizhen won the second prize of a Uni Tri-Color Pen which cost $5+.

We had Canadian Pizza and KFC after that. The lecturers we invited said it was well-organized. :)


Here's some funny pictures.

Have a look at "Father" Desmond. Haha!

That's Tidus, a cute little boy. Love to have him around.

Yixuan's "monkey business".

That's Minqi blowing bubble into her Almond Milk Tea. Haha!


Love my CG. Haha!

By the way, I am God's W.I.P. (Work In Progress). So please be patient with me. Really wanna thank Sister Darryl, Desmond and Carolyn for being so supportive during this period of time.

Praise God for friends like you around. :)

"If I must die, I am willing to die."

This words were spoken by Esther thousands of years ago and it currently rings in my mind all the time.

No man is perfect, not even leaders.

I know this long time ago, but I can never believe what I know.

The sooner I had realise how true it is, the sooner I would have understood my leaders and instead of working against them, I would have being a great help to them.

Well... Even I am in the changing phase.

Praise more, don't criticize.

Be careful not to hurt people when I joke.

Be open and truthful to others, especially to the people you treasure.

Be loving and be private when correcting someone.

After all these years, have I not heard all these? Many times. Yet, it takes determination and a change of mindset to put all these into actions.

If I have not totally eliminated all critical words in my conversations and joke, I am sure it had significantly lessened over the past 2 to 3 weeks.

I am stopping to think what I want to say. I am sieving through the choice of words for my jokes.

If it isn't appropriate, if it isn't going to sound nice, I will not let it out of my mouth. Even at the expenses of being called dull and boring.

I have to learn. I rather be dull and boring, than to be irritating and offensive. But I am sure I can strike a balance to be interesting yet at the same time loving.

"If I must die, I am willing to die."

If I don't change, the results will always stay the same.

If I want to grow from glory to glory than my efforts must increase and my methods must change.

Somebody Save Me!!!

We had an AWESOME Zone Outreach on 10th Sept! Many friends came and all of us had a great time!

Read more about it on W372's Blog.

So this song kinda suit the mood/mode I am in now. I know Jesus is my Saviour and I am already saved, don't get me wrong. I am talking about my feelings.

Ever since I came back from the mission trip, I found myself more open than ever before.

I get to see how Pastor Kong work. When Pastor expressed his tiredness in front of us, about his worries when his son was very sick while he was in KL, how he preached so strongly during the confernce and yet never hide his fatigue from us, the image of Pastor as a mythical Great Man of God all collaspe. He had become a human that I could identify with, just an ordinary man but doing extraordinary things for God.

This experience made me all the more respect and love pastor and his vision.

In the past whenever I heard pastor shared about his struggles, I imagined him like Heracles or Jason doing things that normal humans like us can never do. However, seeing him in person during this mission trip made me realise just how real pastor is, and this made all the future messages he preached more credible, more real and more powerful. Because these are the teachings of God through an ordinary man whose life is transparent and truly love God and trust God with all his heart.

The message that really moved me a lot was the one right after the mission trip, the one about emotional baggages.

Pastor had taught about similar topics in the past. However, this was the first time ever this message had really impacted me so much, after attending church for more than 5 years.

During CG, my CGL leader preached the same message again as pastor sensed that many people need to hear it one more time.

In my heart, only a few words keep repeating itself as I listened to the message.

"Stop it already."

"It is so hurting."

"Please let the CG end quickly."

Yes, behind that smiles are really struggles that had being going on for a long time.

So being a Christian after so many years, one would still have much struggles with past hurts and pride?

Yes. And the greatest woe a Christian can do, is to bury that struggle because of fear and pride.

"How can I let people know I made the same mistake again?"

"What will people think that if they know I am still struggling with the same problem after all these years?"

"Will my leader think that I am problematic or unteachable?"

"Will my leader understand how he/she had hurt me?"

All these questions are made in the heart, with fear in the face of pride.

It is not natural at all to share a person's weakness.

In fact, putting my point straight, someone who goes around sharing his/her problems and weaknesses to everyone all the time is really weird, strange and emotionally traumatising to the listeners.

However, burying everything underneath will not help you to bring your problem to the surface to be healed.

There must be a balance of course, that you share with only with the people who are matured and those that you truly trust. Or else, you may find yourself getting more rejections because people who are not mature enough, are usually quick to judge.

Esther 4:11-16
Then Esther told Hathach to go back and relay this message to Mordecai: "The whole world knows that anyone who appears before the king in his inner court without being invited is doomed to die unless the king holds out his gold scepter. And the king has not called for me to come to him in more than a month."
So Hathach gave Esther's message to Mordecai. Mordecai sent back this reply to Esther: "Don't think for a moment that you will escape there in the palace when all other Jews are killed. If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. What's more, who can say but that you have been elevated to the palace for just such a time as this?"
Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: "Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I am willing to die."

Be like Esther, PRAY and FAST. However, that is not enough. If you want a breakthrough, if you want different results, then you must do something different.

You have to step out of your comfort zone and start facing your struggles openly. It is terrifying to share your weaknesses with another person. That is true even for Esther, don't even think that she was not terrified when she entered into the king's presence. She had to be trembling all the way that day when she left her room and made her way to the king's chamber.

Anyone who go to the king's chamber uninvited was doomed to die if the king doesn't pardon him/her.

And Esther was going to say to the king with words that would contradict a ruling that he made earlier. Another reason that could cost her life.

However, unless you have an attitude of "If I must die, I am willing to die" like Esther, you would never see your breakthroughs in life. You will miss many opportunities and you will only cause more hurts to yourself and to the people around you.

Be strong and God will pave the way. God is good.

Back From KL Mission Trip!!!

I have made a very long post on W372's Blog so I am not intending to make a long one here. Haha!

Nonetheless, here are some of the pictures I had taken, there will be more on W372's Blog. The mission trip was really AWESOME and UNFORGETABLE! I have also made many new friends, had new encounters with God and got to know the leaders more.

Me, Samantha, Pastor Zhuang, Pastor Audrey, Yixuan and Desmond.

Two tall guys with one not-so-tall girl. Haha!

Super BIG mug of juice for supper!

New friend, Martin and I, both of us were security.

Pastor Kevin Loo, senior pastor of CHC-KL.

New friend, Chew Ling.

Brother Robin.

Pastor Kenneth.

The security team from Singapore and KL.

The final photo shot with PASTOR KONG!!!

We also went shopping with the very little free thing we had and blessed each other. Haha!

Yixuan bought a very cool looking metal bracelet for me and it wasn't cheap but it was what I wanted! She also bought a pink Mickey T-shirt for Desmond which he likes.

I in turn bought a wallet that she like and a Mickey pouch thay she wanted. Desmond bought her a colorful Mickey polo-tee for her. Haha!

Our "Harvest". Haha!

Finally, I just want to thank all of you who had prayed for me and the rest of the mission team. God is good, He had protected us and made this trip very successful. I am sure revival is indeed happening in Malaysia! Amen!